Just A Little Air
Monday, November 22, 2010, 6:37 AM
i need to vent just a little, because i don't know how long i'll be able to keep things together.

i'm really, really, really tired. and hormonal. but that's besides that point. the point is, i'm tired.

i'm tired of being an emotional dump site. i can handle the drama every once in a while. i can handle being the listening ear every once in a while. what i can't handle is the fact that i seem to be so dispensable to you nowadays. i understand you have a problem, and that you need some time alone; what i don't understand is that when i ask you a serious question, or when we're talking about something that actually matters, you figuratively hang up on me by not replying, or by avoiding the topic.

and that hurts. because then i feel like i'm just so easy to ditch now. whenever you feel like not talking, you don't talk. but when you do feel like talking, you talk. this is supposedly a relationship. not something you walk in and out of depending on convenience. your problem's my problem. your issue's my issue. your sadness is my sadness. we're together in this. but obviously, that's not the picture anymore. you'd rather be a lone wolf, and shut me out, disregarding the probability that maybe, just maybe, i hurt too whenever you fade out of my life.

because it makes me miss you. terribly so that it eats up my heart sometimes. see, this is the reason why i never invest too much: i tend to lose everything, even my self-control. you've rendered me vulnerable, and i hope you know, that every time you're gone, every time you end a conversation short, i hurt. i hurt because i love you, but it feels like you no longer love me back.

of course, you constantly assure me that you still do. but what are words to us, love? true, that they're our only means of communication given our set-up. but sometimes, the words feel so empty and hollow, that i can't get even the slightest bit of reassurance and warmth from them.

we're losing this, love. i'm losing you. and in effect, you're losing me slowly.

come back soon. i want to make this work.